After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
