it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
