i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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