I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
