Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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