i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
