You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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