I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
