Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
