My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didn't notice because vodka
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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