Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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