If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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