I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
