he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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