Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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