She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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