I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
