all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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