Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
