Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
