Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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