So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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