Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She told me I should be a condom model.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
