Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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