omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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