i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
