You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize