Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize