I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Randomize
