YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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