I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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