When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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