Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think my fart just growled at me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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