My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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