its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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