i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
