Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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