Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
