the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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