Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
