i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
