I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
