you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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