cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
