I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
