i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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