Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
