Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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