Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
