Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
