i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
