Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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