party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize