we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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