Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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