You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
