So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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