I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
