I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
