You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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