Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
