The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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