i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
