the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
