Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
