When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize