ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
