the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
