shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
