so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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