so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
