What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
