If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize