apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
