Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
