I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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