he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
