in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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