My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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