remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
