She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
